So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Say something about gay babies.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
