cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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