I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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