Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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