Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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