Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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