She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nutella sex= disaster
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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