if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
