is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
