who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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