i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
