At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
