well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
