Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
