trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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