Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They have beer where we have blood.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
