And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
