I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
