when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
