Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
