I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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