i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
