I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
