Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
