Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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