i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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