omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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