Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
