i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
