Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
