Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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