Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
