It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
