Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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