People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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