I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
