so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
