The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
