Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
