Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
