was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
