Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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