your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just high enough for therapy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
