people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
