You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
