Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
