I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
