.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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