i permit you to call me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
