I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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