The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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