I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
