The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
