so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
