If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
