I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
