Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
