I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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